Box Cutters, Box Springs and Belligerent Pomeranians

So yesterday started off as any other day at work, everyone showed up and things were going fine. I was in the back and heard a yell, an "oh shit" and a thud... Yikes. I go out to see our prankster stockboy hurrying into the staff room with his hands together. He'd been at work all of 15 minutes. I called out to him to ask what had happened and he said he cut himself. Duh... on me. Anyway, in the staff room he's got blood down to his elbow and is running the water over a massive cut that almost cut his whole finger tip including the nail in half. Ouch. After of about 10 minutes of pressure, water and me trying not to pass out every time I asked to see it we concluded it might be a good idea to take a run up to the health centre to get him stitched up. So at the health centre, the nurse on-call deemed that as it was a clean cut from a box cutter it didn't need a stitch. She asked me if I wanted to come in and sit with him, and I guess I must have turned a little green and said "No" a little to emphatically, so she took him in alone and glued him back together and put on the biggest most ridiculous looking bandage ever. He came out with about 4 feet of gauze wound around his finger, wrist and hand and we both tried not to laugh as she is telling me how he should be taking care of it, as if I were his mother. We get in the truck and he puts his hand out and without cracking a smile says "I think she overdid it a bit". So back at work, I go and report back to the grocery manager that he's back in one piece and got a huge bandage. So he pages him up to the office and when he came up, the grocery manager asks him to give him the box cutter he was using and to use "this" instead. "This" was a plastic knife from a takeaway cutlery pack. Hilarious. So a little while later this same kid and I had to deliver a box spring. Of course, given that this guy is 16, he'd already taken off most of the bandage and was poking it and got it bleeding again. So we drive to the house to make the delivery and he won't get out of the truck. He says "i hope that dog doesn't bite..."... I see no dog, so I ask him which one. He points to a tiny, fluffy pomeranian and says "that one". Me: "YOU are afraid of THAT????" and collapse against the steering wheel laughing. Him: "It's MEAN". Me: "That thing is half the size of my brother's CAT". He gets out and literally edges along the side of the truck. I hear this menacing little growl and the little fluffy sorry example of a dog is quivering in fury. He starts creeping towards the house and the dog just went beserk, snapping, barking and jumping. Speaking of jumping, I have never seen anyone in my life jump as high and as fast as this kid who spun around and ran so fast he ran straight into the truck and nearly jumped over the side and into the bed. I believe it took me about 2 1/2 minutes to stop laughing, only to look up and see the homeowner laughing his head off as well. The poor stock boy is still cowering (but laughing) against the side of the truck. The home owner yells something to the dog and it managed to let us up to the house and up the stairs to the door to deliver the box spring. We come out and the dog is again growling and shaking with wrath. So, just as I was about to push the stock boy down the stairs ahead of me, I turn around to see him leaping over the railing and jumping 7 feet to the ground. I yelled at him for leaving me up there with the dog at the bottom, and I crept down half the stairs when the dog started spitting and snarling at me. The stock boy starts laughing, the dog forgets me and goes after him again. I ran down the stairs and the stock boy is on the far side of the truck, laughing and refusing to get in the passenger side. He gets in the driver's side, climbs across the seat and I get in and it's another full 3 minutes before I could drive because we were laughing so hard. For the rest of the day, every time I saw him, I laughed. And will probably do so tomorrow.

Ding Dong, the boss is on vacation!!!!

So, the big boss is on vacation and that has put the rest of us in vacation mode... work is so much more relaxed, the staff is happier and up to some hilarious pranks and antics. Yesterday, I was out in the warehouse and saw one of the cashiers about 12 feet above ground digging through a high shelf looking for coffee cup lids, while the quiet, shy stockboy was working away down below. The other manager came in and asked her what she was doing and when she said getting lids, he just looked at her and asked why she climbed up there because there were some on the bottom shelf that didn't require getting up on a ladder... From behind, we hear a little giggle.... We all turned and looked at our little guy, who was shaking with laughter under his shaggy mop of hair. I asked him if he'd sent her up there on purpose and he could barely answer he was laughing so hard. And oh, the profanities and curses started as me and the other manager nearly collapsed with laughing... The cashier, screeching the whole way down from the ladder, finally got down, and away they went. This particular guy is very laid back and never in a rush, and I have never seen him move so fast. She chased him around the store about 3 times, then back into the warehouse where she grabbed a broom and started swinging. She chased him all the way to the back, where, like some kind of monkey he managed to swing himself up onto a shelf about 8 feet off the ground where we have all the mattresses and was hiding behind the mattresses, laughing, as the cashier tried vainly to stab him with the broom, still yelling various profanities and insulting names at him. Attempting to assert my managerial position, I told her that while I could appreciate her frustration of having had to climb a ladder, killing our stock boy with a broom was not a valid excuse for closing up the convenience store and that she needed to return to work. I somehow managed to say this without letting out a snort. She huffed off, the stockboy got down and everything went back to normal. For 5 minutes. The other manager and I were walking through the warehouse and the cashier was filling a bucket of water with the hose to mop the floor. We giggled. She swung the hose. I got soaked. He laughed. She swung it again. We ran. The stockboy laughed and we blamed him for starting it. I went to the convenience store where she was mopping the floor. In perhaps not my most professional or mature moment, I moonwalked across the wet floor in my dirty boots. She hit me in the ass with the wet mop. I went out and yelled at the stockboy. He laughed at me because he, like everyone else, knows better than to take me seriously. Oh, how fun it is at the store right now.

Once upon a time, when I was living in Toronto, I was tired, cranky and stressed out and late coming home from work. It was cold, raining and miserable and I just wanted to get something to eat. I started to walk to the grocery store when I saw a little old lady struggling with a box of groceries and a heavy bag. Having a giant umbrella, I went over and asked her if she needed help and ended up managing to carry all of her things for her while still keeping the umbrella over her while I got soaked. When I got her home, she took my hands and thanked me in a thick Eastern European accent and said "When you need one the most, God always sends you an Angel. " I went home, my crappy day and shitty mood totally forgotten. Without going into the details of why I needed an angel today, I was sent two. (who got some giggles playing dress-up with my sunglasses)

Oh the conversations that I have with people....

Actual conversation I had today... Me: "good morning", Customer: "I need to return these bullets" Me: "Ok, no problem" Customer: "Ya, my brother sold his shot gun for drugs and I am mad. The drugs will run out but the gun won't and so now I'm mad at my brother. It's not fair". Me: "Wow... uh... hmmm, that's um, to, uh bad?"

Hikes and loaves

Long weekend. Of course for the only supremely nice day of this weekend, I was at work, but that didn't stop me from going out for 2 great walks yesterday. In the morning, I had coffee with my friend and we went for a walk around town and had fun taking some pictures and then, in the afternoon she and I and some friends went out to the (still frozen)Kirchoffer Falls. The falls look to be very impressive. Seeing as yesterday was a pretty grey, dreary day, it wasn't the best, but we sure had fun. There were 5 of us plus one dog and we drove out together. As you're approaching the falls, you get to go over the longest bridge in Nunavut. There's even a plaque. The bridge is about the same length as my house. Ok, maybe a LITTLE bit longer. We had a great hike along the east side of the falls and it was my first real excursion out of town. The walk lasted about an hour and on the way back, one of the girls was lagging a bit and the rest of us were all walking ahead together. So, one of the guys had a hilarious idea... he'd look back, count to three, all four of us would then look back and start running. Awesome. To bad it didn't work. She didn't fall for it for a second. But, we did see some polar bear tracks in the snow. After a hard week, it was really nice to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. Something I didn't get today. The wind had really picked up today and brought with it some crazy behavior. I happened to look out my window this afternoon only to see a fairly active arrest going on in front of my house. A few minutes later I received a phone call warning me not to open my door if anyone knocked as one of the local carvers was out and about in a state of anger and yelling threats at a girl and throwing rocks at her near the Co-op store. So I stayed in and baked baguettes.

May, 21st, 2010, 1h30 a.m.

It doesn't get dark anymore

May 19th, 2010 10h25 p.m.

a sad day

Last night my grandmother passed away. If you read my letter to her from a few weeks ago, you probably guessed that she was very ill. She had a very aggressive case of melanoma which became crippling in the last few weeks. Being up here alone, makes this hard, but I am thankful for the family that I have who have called and the friends here and at home who I know I can count on for support. Love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Kind of my theme song at the moment....

17 Hours of Daylight and counting

So we are up to over 17 hours of daylight now and during the rest of the time, it's not totally pitch black, more of a deep Cerulean Blue if you will. I went for a walk last night and it was after 9h00 and was out for an hour. When I left I could have gotten away with wearing sunglasses and by the time I got home the sky was streaked with different colours like the tie-dye I used to wear in my hippie highschool days. Getting out for walks at night has been something I've been trying to do all week. It's been amazing. On Tuesday, it resulted in playing soccer with about 15 kids for an hour and a half. In my rubber boots, on gravel. And it was -13C. I had a blast. Until one of them, who was about 12, asked how old I am and when I said 33, her eyes bugged out of her head and she said "WOOOOOOOWWWWW You're older than my MOM!!!!".....Buuuhhhhh Looking North West at about 9h30 Looking North West at about 9h45 Looking South East at about 10h05 Random Caribou hoof in the street

Huh....so much for my Friday night plans...

So obviously, I have angered the God of Coffee Tables. I opened the packet containing the hardware for my tables, and there is all the screw and washers, and no freakin' Allan Key. Seriously?!?!

FINALLY!!

The hardware for my coffee tables arrived today!!! So, looking forward to a rockin' Friday night tomorrow putting them together...

So today was Friday, a beautiful day, sunny, everyone was in good moods and laughing and talking and having fun. A little kid that I don't even know comes flying up to me in the store and wraps his little arms around my hips in a big bear hug. I was all "oooohh EVER CUTE, are you giving me a hug?" and bent down to give him a hug back. He throws his head back to give me a huge gappy smile and I'm staring down to two of the grossest, greenest, crustiest nostrils I have ever seen. I went and found the hand sanitizer....

I wish we sold treadmills...

Hmmm... listening to my I-pod at work tonight after hours. Forgot as I was doing my best OK Go video dance that we have security cameras......

Murphy is a sonofabitch

It's amazing what you learn about yourself and what to adapt to when taken out of your comfort zone. Only slightly more than 2 months ago, I was living in downtown Toronto in a big 2 bedroom apartment and I would get annoyed if I so much ran out of hot water from using to much. Or would get annoyed if my roommate cranked up the heat. And now, since moving up here, I've gone 2 nights without heat at all, have only just had my first shower where the water wasn't up to my ankles because the pipes are frozen and don't drain and have just spend the last 24 hours with essentially no water, and in all honesty, it really hasn't bothered me a bit. (There's where Murphy comes in...) Now, fortunately, I have a good friend up here who let me bathe at her house last night so in all aspects of personal hygiene, things were just peachy today. But basically, here in Coral Harbour, we have no "running water" from one particular source.Every day, a water truck makes the rounds and delivers water to a tank outside the house and that's what everyone in town depends on for their showers, kitchen faucets, toilets etc. So, on Friday, I guess the water guy forgot my house and therefore, when I came home for dinner on Saturday, I was a bit surprised to find that I had a little trickle and then nothing. No big deal, called the Hamlet and asked for them to send someone and I assumed they did. When I got home at around 10 that night, still nothing. What's "bollocks" in Inuktitut?! So fortunately I had a bit left over in my Brita, brushed my teeth and went to bed. The next day I went to hang out with some of the teachers and learned how to make mitts. I had an awesome time; these ladies are hilarious and fun and I had a fantastic afternoon. Walking home, I saw fresh tire tracks up to my house and thought "hoorah! Water!!".... no such luck. Apparently if you run out of water your pump has to be "primed", like I'm supposed to know how to do that?!? Yay for my wicked friend who let me come over and hang out and have a shower at her house. It's now 4h00 on Monday, and the guy who fixed my shower just showed up and got it working. And am I bothered? No. Am I stressed out? No. Am I loving Nunavut more and more each day because I feel more relaxed, less stressed, and enjoying the natural beauty up here? YES. For the first couple of weeks that I was here, people would ask me how I liked it, and I would tell them it was nice and I liked it because I had to try and convince myself. Now I'm saying it with a full heart, with happiness and gratitude that so far most people have accepted me as part of their community, welcomed me as their friend and invited me into their lives. Even if they like to scare me. Or laugh as I almost wipe out on my butt on the wet floor in front of the post office. Har.

Hi Grandma,

So for those of you who don't know, I come from a good sized family on my dad's side. My dad is the third of youngest of four and between these 4 siblings there are 9 kids and now,7 spouses/significant others and 6 children with a 7th on the way (my nephew!!!). I am very lucky in to have a family like mine and love each and every member to pieces. Therefore, I am very fortunate to be get emailed updates and phone calls from people in my family to let me know what's going on down home. At the top of our little family tree, is my Grandma, Ann Vardy. She's now 91 and living in Peterborough, ON close to my dad's younger brother and his wife. My aunt emailed me to tell me that she reads this blog to my grandma and that it makes her laugh, which makes me happy because over the years, I haven't spent as much time with her as I should have or wanted to. The problem with life, getting older, getting responsibilities is that you lose sight sometimes, of what is really important, like spending time with people who are special to you. So, Grandma, even though I'm not here to tell you this in person, here's what I should have said to you a long time ago: I think that everyone in the family will agree that you're our trail blazer. Being in WWII, and then emigrating to Newfoundland from Scotland and then back to England and raising 4 rowdy kids in the country couldn't have been easy. Then in 1967, moving back to Ontario was another brave decision. I remember as a kid always getting excited to go visit you in Guelph to play with the other cousins in the spooky attic or, in the summertime, out in the garden. I don't remember a lot of the Guelph days, but bits and pieces stick out, and even the moments I don't remember (like pulling the phone down on my head when I was a baby) made me and all your grandkids who they are today. Maybe you never realized, and maybe neither did we, how much your traveling influenced all of us. I always was envious when you were off on a trip, walking the Great Wall of China, going to Italy, hiking in the Scottish Highlands. You'd always bring each of us back something, Celtic earrings made of Irish pewter, a hand tooled leather change purse, or my personal favourites, Penguin bars and Oor Wullie and The Broons comic books that Dad would read to me and Julian in a Scottish accent. Your sense of adventure touched all of your grandkids in that we are all avid travelers. Between the lot of us, we've each traveled beyond the borders of Canada and have been to such far away places as England, Italy, France, Germany, Qatar, South Korea, Cuba, Viet Nam and Thailand just to name a few places. I know on my part that my desire to travel and see the world stemmed from that envy I had of your trips, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Fond childhood memories including going to your apartment in Toronto for a swim and lamb roast dinner with mint sauce and playing after-dinner cards. When it comes to your grandkids, you've never stopped short of spoiling us with your handmade treats, whether it was your Shortbread, Coffee Kisses or Rumballs at Christmas or beautiful knitted sweaters or blankets for our birthdays. We are fortunate to have been given these gifts that were made with such care. As your great-grandchildren started to arrive, the beautiful baby blankets you've made will be treasured forever. You've also shown us how important it is to stay active and I know you probably could have run circles around me with all the line dancing, tai chi and walking you did, not to mention the dancing at all the weddings in the family that you've done!! So, even though I am far away, I'm with you and everyone in the family every day because of the love that we all share for each other and I am hoping that you will still enjoy my stories that I write and I hope that they make you laugh and smile and I hope you don't think this grand-daughter is too crazy! I won't be seeing you for a while but I think about you every day and hope that you are well. Remember that we all love you, Grandma, Mum, and G-G, World Traveler, Great Cook and Expert Knitter. Thank you for all that you've done for us, given us and taught us.

Top 5 Most Embarrassing Nunavut Moments of the Week... In no particular order:

1) Customer: "Are you always this quiet?" Me (trying to be witty): "Only when I have no one to talk to" *insert I-am-so-witty chuckle* Customer: *blank stare* "I meant the store." 2) Going on delivery with one of the stock boys. Get into the cab of the truck and attempt to drive away. Stock boy "Allison, don't you need to put the keys in the ignition?" 3) Another delivery. Store manager hands me the four legs to a couch we are going to deliver and tells me to be careful not to lose the washers at the top. Put them on the opened flap-thingy of the truck bed. Turn away to help stock boy. Close truck bed. With legs still on it. Dammit. 4) One of the cashiers ALWAYS scares me. She sneaks up behind me and yells "BOOOOOO" any chance she gets and then we laugh. So I snuck up behind here and yell "BOOOOOO" and she doesn't even flinch, just looks at me like I am so lame. And then laughs. So I turn to walk away after we giggle. She sneaks up and yells "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". I nearly hit the roof. 15 seconds after I turned my back on her. 5) Going to the dump with the stock boy. He's telling me about the land and then says, "hey you see the plane?" Me: "No, where?" Him: "There! Over there" Me: "WHERE?? I don' see it" Him: "WAAATCH OUT!!!!" Me: "WHAT THE |@"#$(?!?!" Slam on brakes even though there is nothing/no one for miles. Him: Collapses in giggles against the door.

What does a gal have to do to get a couple of screws around here??

Have I mentioned that I still don't have the hardware for my coffee tables yet and they are still stacked up in a pile on the floor?

Cool Kids and Ham

So I was never all the cool in highschool, what with the bad early 90s perm, big glasses, braces and sweaters my mother picked out. So, you know, I got over that, I went to University and got my groove on trying out different cool trends from the hippie-flower child to joining a Renaissance Anachronism club (yes, I was THAT awesome - sidenote: my boyfriend at the time was so inspired, he dropped out of Vet School to go work at Medieval Times for 10 years) until moving to Toronto and got a bit grounded, got some wicked friends and found my place in the world. Therefore, I sort of felt that I had become somewhat hip in my newly-found confidence as an independent, moderately financially secure early 30s woman with an admirable shoe collection and back-to-back jobs which some might consider relatively glamorous in the fashion industry. So it was with this attitude that I came up to Nunavut with my big sunglasses, new Canada Goose parka, my newly acquired stylish-yet-outdoorsy-and-I-can-handle-the Freakin'-cold wardrobe and the idea that I might be regarded as "that cool girl from Toronto". It took exactly 4 weeks for the cool kids up here to figure out that if you switch some of the letters in my name around to form the word "Assilon". Wonderful. At first, being the suave, confident adult that I am, I laughed it off and with a laisser-faire attitude that clearly stated "Chuh.... TEEN agers"... until 2 weeks later it really started to piss me off and I finally lost my cool and told them off, which to my frustration as I walked away, heard the telltale giggling of those girls who probably terrorize the kids in the cafeteria. Grrr... Fortunately, redemption. Not just one, but TWO of the staff told me the other day told me that they are so glad I moved here because I make work fun and that they really like me. And they don't call me Assilon. Hoorah!!! And anyway, I have other friends. More mature friends. So there. Losers. I mean, silly children with nothing to do but torment your manager who is just trying to be patient and kind and learn life up in the North. And tonight, as a thanks to the people who ARE nice to me, and have opened their doors I offered to bring food. A ham, in fact. Do I know how to bake a good ham? No, of course I don't, but that didn't stop me. I emailed my aunt who makes the best darn ham you've ever had. Good lord, maybe I should have done a practice ham. But at least I have back-up yams (god, if this gets out, I'll be Assilon the Ham/Yam girl) and chocolate cupcakes for the kiddies. Yes, I made Easter cupcakes for children. While listening to Country music. Can we say Identity Crisis? I don't like children. Or country music. At least I didn't until I moved here. Which just goes to show you, getting out of you comfort zone can be an amazing thing, and you can really learn a lot about yourself. Which, isn't that what life is supposed to be about it? Now hopefully, I will get something more indepth out of moving half way across the planet than just that I like country music and children, but even if I don't, well, that's ok by me. Because after all kids, every experience in life is a blink of an eye. Highschool tormenting felt like a life time and yet it was over before I knew it and suddenly I was 33 and being tormented again by highschool kids and not caring (much), and I was smiling at little runny-nosed children and listening to music that I have never listened to before and baking hams. All while there are 80km/h winds outside and my friends are all posting about patios and beautiful days on Facebook. And it doesn't bother me.

procrastination is a bitch

I started a post today but gave up to instead, bake chocolate chip banana muffins. Yummy. Here's a little song to keep you all amused. The line of running to the window and looking up to the sky and asking who ever is up there, please don't let me die, resonated yesterday in the storm with 100km/h winds and the blizzard that we worked through yesterday. I woke up at 4 a.m. and sat on my couch, looking out to the whiteness and wondered what I was doing here. In the morning I waited to see if my next door neighbour started the truck to go to work and he did, and we made it, but barely. While we were driving through the houses, it was not so bad, but coming up over the hill, we looked down and saw nothing but white. The Ford F150 we were in was shaking like a Smartcar being passed by a transport truck on the 401 and we had to get out of the truck to find the road again, which we were off by a few metres. We were probably 20 feet from the store before we could see it. All day we were there and out of the window, where we can usually see for miles, was nothing but white. We had no water because the pipes were frozen and as well, the water trucks weren't out. One of the cashiers came in crying because she got disoriented and almost got lost. And yet, the local people were out in droves, buying laptops, cigarettes, spring jackets and best of all, 2 packets of powdered gravy. That's it. Gravy. 100km winds and the guy comes in for gravy. When we left, it was still light out, so we could see a bit, and drove one of the kids home and managed to find our way home through the snow by using the light posts along the side of a different road as markers to make sure we were going the right way. We were about 20 feet from our house when we got stuck in a snowbank so high that I couldn't open my door and had to get out of the driver's side. My steps had basically disappeared and were more like a snow ramp up to my door. I stayed home today. All day. Even though it was a nice day. So, I guess I did just write a post.

The Day of Children from Hell

So I've been quiet for a couple of days because I've been in a crap mood, missing St. Patrick's Day (my favourite holiday) and things were looking up a bit up until this morning. Last night I was working at night with two of the stock boys and they were cracking me up all night. It all started as one of the boys hid outside of the office while the other one was in there and jumped out at him and the one scared, screamed like a little school girl. Not acting very managerially, I laughed. Loudly. So I think out of revenge, he was bound and determined to scare me and spent most of the night hiding around corners, stealthily following me and doing his best dolphin impersonation...(?) Anyway, so I was putting on my tough "I'm from Toronto, you can't scare me attitude" and finally at about 8h30, he finally jumped out from an aisle and yelled "BOOOOO" and I jumped a mile in the air and chased him down the aisle with a broom. Again, maybe not so professional.... But damn funny. So today, I am minding my own business, when POW!!! Someone punched me in the arm! I look over and it's a little girl, maybe about 3, with a mouthful of silver teeth, grinning at me with her dukes up, ready to hit me again! Couldn't obviously do anything back but say through a gritted smile that wasn't very nice and she shouldn't hit people. She laughed at me and threw her boot at me. Jeez..... Next up, kid loses his mitt. Ok, not having mitts in Nunavut is kind of a big deal. But... not quite such a big deal as to lay on the floor, howling for 15 minutes. The his grandfather came to pick him up and he was like a ragdoll and the grandfather started dragging him by his hood down the aisle, still howling. And then had to drag him out of the store, still howling. Finally they left and it was quiet. Until some sweet little girls ran up to me. "Hi! I'm 5, how old are you?" one asked. Feeling slightly jocular, I replied "I'm old... I'm THIRTY THREEEEE" and then ladies and gentlemen, came a response that made me want to lay down in the middle of the floor and howl....." WOOOOOWWWW" she replied. "You're almost as old as my GRANDMA" ....

It's like Christmas! Only it's March, and this is already my stuff.

So, I got some boxes from my mum today. I wonder if I should tell her that at the Post Office, they have this new-fangled contraption called a "Postage Meter" that will weigh your parcels and print out a label with the right amount of postage. I sure hope these were the peel-and-stick stamps or that she got her dog to lick all these.....and yes, those are my feet to demonstrate the size of the boxes.

Driver's License

So I was called back to the Hamlet office because the Government of Nunavut Ministry of Transportation rejected my Driver's License photo because part of my face was covered.... But this is how everybody looks 10 months out of the year......

Makin' friends....

So the cashiers have a new game.... "Hey Allison, you dropped something" and crack up because I fall for it everytime....

Five things I love about Nunavut, in no particular order

1) The fact that there is only prefix for phone numbers in this town, so when someone asks for your number, saying only the last 4 numbers is sufficient, much like how you would give out your work extension. ie. "Hey Allison, what's your phone number?" "it's 8451" and they know what you're talking about. 2) There is only one radio station here. And you can hear the phone ringing while the DJ is talking. And then you hear dead air as he goes to answer it. 3) Also to do with the radio station. The DJ will stop a song in the middle of it, and announce for someone to call their mother and then resume the song. 4) Seeing entire families piled on one Ski -Doo zipping around town like it is a mini-van. 5) Because there are no street names here and no one has an actual address, when they invite you over, they describe their house "So come by and visit any time, Allison, we are the 5 house from the top right edge of town, on the left. The grey one, with the red curtains"

Jump around for the Yeti Angel...Woot woot...

So last night ended off on a much better note. My teacher friend called from my RCMP officer, friend's house and they invited me over for homemade Apple Crisp, Party Mix and a movie. I walked over (took me all of a minute as I can see his house from mine) and was greeted by the biggest, goofiest, loveliest Black Lab ever, who was wagging his tail so hard that had he not had legs, he'd be slithering like a snake on the floor. After such a shitty night/day of freezing my buns off, I needed a little puppy love which I promptly got after sitting down on the couch, Jack (the lab) plopped right down between me and my teacher friend, kicked us each into the corner and proceeded to snore/drool on my lap for the rest of the night. At least I got his head... snicker.... After watching the Usual Suspects, the RCMP officer cracked open the Party Mix and much to the dismay of the teacher, fed all the pretzels to the dog. He then polished off most of the bag, ate more Apple Crisp and then started moaning about eating to much. There is something mildly funnier about a police officer moaning and rubbing his belly in front of our now second straight episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter than just a regular dude. Then he said maybe he should start wearing armbands like Dog to "make his guns look buff" and I had to contain a snort. After all, they just met me... I should try to at least convince that I'm a little bit normal. Had the morning off work which was nice, but went into work at noon, just in time for all the school kids to be on lunch and coming in for their daily menu of 3 cans of pop and 5 bags of chips. They still aren't quite used to me yet and come and stand around me in little clusters staring up at me like I'm some sort of Yeti Angel, (ie the looks on their sweet little sugar-coated faces is a mixture of awe, adoration and "what the hell is this freaky lookin' thing????) and then just as fast as they came up, they get bored and trot away. So, humming away for the rest of the afternoon until I tried to tackle moving some shelves... fortunately the store was closed because the tackling became more of a battle. After 15 minutes of wrestling with the stupid thing and yelling at the "STUPIDF*&*INGPIECEOFS#*"M$%/$%F"/*&*I'LLSHOWYOUWHO'SBOSSFREAKIN...and so on, and so forth, the nice, shy little 17 year old stock boy comes around the corner looking terrified and whispers in his lilting Inuktitut accented English "You need some help, Allison?".... Oops... forgot he was there... He now is looking at me like he thinks I was raised by pirates. My manager comes back to lock up and takes me around to show me what needs to be locked up. He says he's going to get me own set of keys... Hey DUDE how 'bout getting me some SCREWS to put together my coffee tables which have been sitting in a pile on my living room floor for a WEEK!?" (inside voice... inside voice...) Came home (remembered to unplug the truck before driving away this time!!! One point for the Torontonian who's not in the habit of having to unplug my car!! Yippee!!) I think I have been spending to much time alone, because I was far to amused by the computer game I played simply because it was called "Polar Bowler" (liken it to the excitement Canadians feel when Canada is mentioned in an American TV show or movie "DUUUUDE... They just mentioned CANADA, EH?".... I'm in NUNAVUT so I'm going to play a game with POLAR BEARS!!!). The game involves you having to send, via a big sling-shot, a sunglass and Hawaiian shirt-wearing polar bear (with an apparent itchy scalp because it kept inexplicably scratching it's head....) down an ice bowling alley in an inner-tube. And so it starts again tomorrow......

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now.....

First night in Nunavut with NO heat....

So my furnace had been have fits of noise that sounded somewhere between jingle bells and a panther in heat. After telling my manager, again, the local handyman came to fix it. Last night after an already crappy day I was unwinding with a What Not To Wear marathon on TV when all of a sudden there is a HUGE bang and a different screech, the sound of a belt snapping and flapping around and then, best of all, a shower of sparks that would rival any Canada Day or Fourth of July fireworks display inside the wall that I can see through the vent. Of course, then the panic sets in: Hop off the couch, run in a circle... ohmygodohmygodohmygod....run to the bathroom and grab the fire extinguisher (because the bathroom of course is the logical place to keep the fire extinguisher) read the instructions, throw the contents of my purse all over the floor looking for my keys because the furnace is in a little room only accessible from outside, WHERETHEF*#KAREMYFREAKINKEYS??? oh yeah, my coat pocket, go into the furnace room, flick on what appears to be a light switch, and hear another huge bang... WAAAAHHH WHY DID I MOVE TO NUNAVUT??? run back into the house, turn off the thermostat, sit in front of the vent for 10 minutes making sure the house isn't about to burn down....wonder if I should call one of my only 2 friends here yet, but it's 11h30 and, it's still 72F in here (we're in freakin' CANADA, why is my thermostat in Farenheit??) so I decide to rough it out for the night. On go the toasty warm long johns, marino sweater and vest (thanks Mum!), my Team Canada Olympic curling sweater (getting a lot of use of this baby!!) 2 pairs of socks and my pajama pants. In case the furnace decides to spontaneously combust I think it's prudent to sleep on the couch with the fire extinguisher within arms reach. Fall asleep with the TV on only to wake up to Tony Little screaming about how I can DOOOO IT with his crazy resistance band contraption to get in the best shape of my life. GO TO HELL TONY I'M TRYING TO SLEEP IT'S 4A.M.!!!! It's now 59F in here... look that up on my computer, turns out that's 15C. Feels a hell of a lot colder than that. I made it through the night, and realize the only 2 phone numbers I do have are the teacher's and the RCMP officer's. I tried knocking on my next door neighbour's door, who is the grocery manager at the store and there is no answer. So I walk over the RCMP detachment and no one is there and I'm not sure which of the 2 houses is my friend's. So I walk home and call him and he's really nice about it and says I'm welcome to camp out at his house for the day if I get cold and even sleep over (in the spare room, don't worry) if the furnace doesn't get fixed today. Call my manager and he doesn't seem overly concerned and calls me a few minutes later to tell me the dude is going to come over after church.... Church... Oh he better be prayin' alright. It's 52F in here now. That's 10C. I wish I had those mitt/glove things.... (mloves? glitts?) Freakin' cold in here...Last night I spoke with a good friend who was out a bar and I asked him to have his next drink for me and to REALLY enjoy it.... Well, I really hope he did, because man, I could really use a stiff drink right about now.

Ok, so someone really does hate me already...

I had to work till 9pm tonight and that was fine, until we went outside and written in the snow on the company truck that I was driving was "F**K YOU ALA"... on both sides. I was so upset about it that like a complete idiot I forgot to unplug the truck and drove home with the entire extension cord trailing behind me. Duh.... but seriously....Fortunately the store manager closed with me as well, but if they think that I am ever going to close up by myself and leave alone, they can kiss my Canada Goose parka-clad butt all the way back to Toronto. Where they have these little vehicles called TAXIS to take you home at night. So here's to a wonderful Saturday night... :-(

The closest thing to booze I can get up here is Jack Daniels Barbecue Sauce......

Everything I always wanted to know and more about.......

So, I just about put my back out trying to reach what I thought was a phone book on top of my kitchen cabinets and no, it was not the phone book, but instead was "The Gun Digest Book of: FIREARMS ASSEMBLY/DISASSEMBLY Part IV: Centerfire Rifles Revised Edition". Should have known a town of less than 800 people wouldn't have the Yellowpages......

Yes, that is a snowbank (snow bulldozed off the road in front of my house). Yes, that is a house behind it. And yes, those are kids playing on it.

Think I FINALLY figured out the visitor counter thingamajiggy

Freakin' flag counter ....grumble..... trying to figure out this whole new fangled internet bloggy type thing.... how the hell should I know how to use it? I live in NUNAVUT!! We rip meat off the bone with our TEETH up here, not play on computer... gosh darnit.

Pretty song....

It's only been a week and already half of the highschool kids hate me...

Today I turned down 4 kids in a row who couldn't show me ID to buy cigarettes.... 1)Me: "Can I see your ID?" Kid: "Don't have any, but I'm 18" Me: "You need to be 19 to buy cigarettes" Kid "But I'm EIGHTEEN" Me: "Yooou.... Neeeeeed.... Toooooo.... Beeeeeee.... Niiiiiiiineteeeeeeen" 2)Me: "Can I see your ID" Kid: "Left it at home and I came here to buy smokes" Me: "I am not selling you cigarettes without ID" Kid: "But the other cashiers sell them to me" Me: "I'm not a cashier, I'm the manager and I'm not selling them to you" Kid goes to complain to my manager. Leaves in a huff.... snicker.... 3)Kids comes in. Me: "Can I see your ID?" Kid 1: "I don't got no ID" Me: "Then I can't sell you cigarettes" Kid 1 turns to Kid 2 "Dude, can you buy my smokes?" Me: "well, then I need to see YOUR ID too." Kid 2 "I don't got no ID either and I'm 21" Me: "I need to see ID before I can sell you cigarettes" Kid 2: "I don't got none, but you can call the police officers and have them look up my criminal record to tell you how old I am" For the love of Baby Jesus.....

Things I learned yesterday

1) If someone comes and up and starts yelling "MEDIUM" of "LARGE" at you, they are NOT commenting on how big they think those jeans make your butt look, but rather, they are telling you they which pack of cigarettes they want. 2) Big splashes of blood on the floor, is NOT a reason to call the RCMP to report an injured person, it's just the guy who recently "harvested" a caribou has come in for some smokes and apparently still carrying the knife.

This is what's in my backyard!!!!

5 days down....

So, I've been in Coral Harbour for 5 days now and it's been fun, sad, weird, surprisingly not as cold as I would have thought and frustrating. Day 1 I arrived, get picked up at the airport (my grade 6 portable was bigger) and dropped off at the store. The president of the company was there as I'm all disheveled, in my ridiculous powder blue and fluffy astronaut city boots and exhausted from having been up since 4 a.m. As 6 of us pile in to a pick-up truck to take him and the other dudes from the company to the airport, I'm squeezed in the front seat in the middle with my knees up to my chin totally self-conscious that my huge parka is making my butt too wide to fit comfortably between two 40+ men I've known for oh, 5 minutes. After we get back to the store, they give me swipe card with the bar code on it and tell me to swipe myself in. I ask if it matters what side to swipe and the manager says "no" so I swipe, only to have him look at me like I'm from Mars/or a very slow 5 year old child because I've swiped the card horizontally and the barcode appears on the short end of the card, therefore I've only swiped half of it. Duh.... dude, I'm jetlagged from WINNIPEG. I go home giggling after a fisherman comes in and asks if I'm the manager's daughter, turns out he's only 10 years older than me... Quit smokin' and wear your sunscreen kids!! And there are dead flies all over my floor. And apparently the floor had already been swept. I'm warned not to put to much on the coffee table as one of the legs is broken off. My shower is clogged. The water pump rattles and bangs every fifteen seconds. I fall on my butt in a snowbank because there is no real path from the open space that serves as a road/front lawn/parking lot. I had Friday off, so I got to unpack, however the drawers in my dresser are broken so right now my socks and underwear are in the drawers below my TV. My shower is still clogged. More dead flies under the sinks in the kitchen and bathroom. 5 garbage bags later I'm coming to realize that my standards of cleanliness are a lot different from those who "cleaned" my apartment prior to my arrival. Saturday I get a ride to work with my next door neighbour/colleague and meet a few more of the staff who are staring at me like I have 3 eyeballs. After a little while though, people start warming up, and as customers come into the store, everyone asks me what my name is and where I'm from. As soon as I say Toronto, they start teasing me about being a Leafs fan. Big news comes in that someone "caught" a polar bear. My manager offers to drive me home from work on his Ski-Doo, which was terrifying while I was trying to simultaneously a)not fall off the back or sides, b) hold onto my groceries and c) keep my hood from blowing backwards because going that fast, in the dark, in Nunavut, I thought my eyeballs were going to freeze out of my head and my face was going to fall off. Feeling wobbly being on solid ground I fall on my butt in a snowbank again. Shower is still clogged even though the local handyman spent 45 minutes at my place fixing it and the waterpump is still rattling and banging. Just so you know, I've been bathing in my kitchen sink. But, after investigating some wires, I plug in my TV and have free cable!! Yippee!!! Sunday, I'm off again and stay in my PJs all day. Watch the Gold Medal Hockey game and realize only after the 1st period that I've been jumping up and pumping my fist in the air, alone, doing robot victory dances in my leopard-print pajama pants and Canadian Curling sweater with my curtains open. Monday. Fall on my butt in the SAME friggin' snowbank. Apparently the person who "caught" the polar bear is my next door neighbour because now there is a 10 foot bearskin hanging on some logs in their back yard. First official duty as Supervisor of General Merchandise: blow up 75 balls for a spring display. Douglas the handyman fixes my shower for real this time AND shovels my steps. Got home at 7 p.m. after starting work at 8. Legs hurt, eyes ache, I want a beer and the only thing I can get on TV is Ellen because I only get the BC channels which are 3 hours behind my time zone. Oh my god. And it hasn't even been a week yet.

Yeti the Abominable I-Pod...

...is my new best friend. That's right, I've named my bright orange I-pod. My new sidekick.

Here I am...

So. Here I am in the spare bedroom at my brother's place and this is my first "official" post as me. The others were ripped from my Facebook account by one of my best friends who set this little job up for me because I'm a loser when it comes to doing stuff like this. But, now, I am here, in the flesh introducing myself to anyone who might be interested! Today I moved out of my apartment. I had some wicked friends help me, and who demonstrated more patience than I probably deserved. As I wandered around watching my whole life dwindle down to what was a) going to Nunavut, b) go to my mum's house, c) go into storage and d) get dumped at Value Village, my friends and family loaded everything up, didn't get mad at me when I got a little spazzy and hugged me during my moments of emotional basketcasedness. And there we have it. I am moving to Coral Harbour, Nunavut in 3 days and I am still unprepared and not packed. I hope I can find my plane tickets at least. That might be a little embarrassing.....

Must Make Room for Magnets

I am so taking my Prized International Tacky Fridge Magnet Collection to Nunavut. Any donations would be gladly accepted. The cheesier the better!!

Ouch!

Forgot how sore tetanus shots make you. Booo...at least I can safely play with rusty nails now.

Packing, sniffing, packing, laughing, packing, crying, packing...Toronto, we've had a good run.

Things I am not going to miss about Toronto

Things I am not going to miss about Toronto: 1) not being able get to sleep because my downstairs neighbours are "singing" karaoke, 2)being woken up at 2 am by my flatmate blowing his nose. 3) being woken up at 3 am by the junkies next door yelling at "Dean" and 4) drivers.

Must buy warmer clothes

it's a balmy -32C (that's -44C with the windchill) in my future home of Coral Harbour, NU today!

Going to Start Today

Going to start packing today. How did I accumulate this much stuff?

Here I come!

I just accepted a job offer in Coral Harbour, Nunavut. Dear God, what have I done........