procrastination is a bitch

I started a post today but gave up to instead, bake chocolate chip banana muffins. Yummy. Here's a little song to keep you all amused. The line of running to the window and looking up to the sky and asking who ever is up there, please don't let me die, resonated yesterday in the storm with 100km/h winds and the blizzard that we worked through yesterday. I woke up at 4 a.m. and sat on my couch, looking out to the whiteness and wondered what I was doing here. In the morning I waited to see if my next door neighbour started the truck to go to work and he did, and we made it, but barely. While we were driving through the houses, it was not so bad, but coming up over the hill, we looked down and saw nothing but white. The Ford F150 we were in was shaking like a Smartcar being passed by a transport truck on the 401 and we had to get out of the truck to find the road again, which we were off by a few metres. We were probably 20 feet from the store before we could see it. All day we were there and out of the window, where we can usually see for miles, was nothing but white. We had no water because the pipes were frozen and as well, the water trucks weren't out. One of the cashiers came in crying because she got disoriented and almost got lost. And yet, the local people were out in droves, buying laptops, cigarettes, spring jackets and best of all, 2 packets of powdered gravy. That's it. Gravy. 100km winds and the guy comes in for gravy. When we left, it was still light out, so we could see a bit, and drove one of the kids home and managed to find our way home through the snow by using the light posts along the side of a different road as markers to make sure we were going the right way. We were about 20 feet from our house when we got stuck in a snowbank so high that I couldn't open my door and had to get out of the driver's side. My steps had basically disappeared and were more like a snow ramp up to my door. I stayed home today. All day. Even though it was a nice day. So, I guess I did just write a post.

The Day of Children from Hell

So I've been quiet for a couple of days because I've been in a crap mood, missing St. Patrick's Day (my favourite holiday) and things were looking up a bit up until this morning. Last night I was working at night with two of the stock boys and they were cracking me up all night. It all started as one of the boys hid outside of the office while the other one was in there and jumped out at him and the one scared, screamed like a little school girl. Not acting very managerially, I laughed. Loudly. So I think out of revenge, he was bound and determined to scare me and spent most of the night hiding around corners, stealthily following me and doing his best dolphin impersonation...(?) Anyway, so I was putting on my tough "I'm from Toronto, you can't scare me attitude" and finally at about 8h30, he finally jumped out from an aisle and yelled "BOOOOO" and I jumped a mile in the air and chased him down the aisle with a broom. Again, maybe not so professional.... But damn funny. So today, I am minding my own business, when POW!!! Someone punched me in the arm! I look over and it's a little girl, maybe about 3, with a mouthful of silver teeth, grinning at me with her dukes up, ready to hit me again! Couldn't obviously do anything back but say through a gritted smile that wasn't very nice and she shouldn't hit people. She laughed at me and threw her boot at me. Jeez..... Next up, kid loses his mitt. Ok, not having mitts in Nunavut is kind of a big deal. But... not quite such a big deal as to lay on the floor, howling for 15 minutes. The his grandfather came to pick him up and he was like a ragdoll and the grandfather started dragging him by his hood down the aisle, still howling. And then had to drag him out of the store, still howling. Finally they left and it was quiet. Until some sweet little girls ran up to me. "Hi! I'm 5, how old are you?" one asked. Feeling slightly jocular, I replied "I'm old... I'm THIRTY THREEEEE" and then ladies and gentlemen, came a response that made me want to lay down in the middle of the floor and howl....." WOOOOOWWWW" she replied. "You're almost as old as my GRANDMA" ....

It's like Christmas! Only it's March, and this is already my stuff.

So, I got some boxes from my mum today. I wonder if I should tell her that at the Post Office, they have this new-fangled contraption called a "Postage Meter" that will weigh your parcels and print out a label with the right amount of postage. I sure hope these were the peel-and-stick stamps or that she got her dog to lick all these.....and yes, those are my feet to demonstrate the size of the boxes.

Driver's License

So I was called back to the Hamlet office because the Government of Nunavut Ministry of Transportation rejected my Driver's License photo because part of my face was covered.... But this is how everybody looks 10 months out of the year......

Makin' friends....

So the cashiers have a new game.... "Hey Allison, you dropped something" and crack up because I fall for it everytime....

Five things I love about Nunavut, in no particular order

1) The fact that there is only prefix for phone numbers in this town, so when someone asks for your number, saying only the last 4 numbers is sufficient, much like how you would give out your work extension. ie. "Hey Allison, what's your phone number?" "it's 8451" and they know what you're talking about. 2) There is only one radio station here. And you can hear the phone ringing while the DJ is talking. And then you hear dead air as he goes to answer it. 3) Also to do with the radio station. The DJ will stop a song in the middle of it, and announce for someone to call their mother and then resume the song. 4) Seeing entire families piled on one Ski -Doo zipping around town like it is a mini-van. 5) Because there are no street names here and no one has an actual address, when they invite you over, they describe their house "So come by and visit any time, Allison, we are the 5 house from the top right edge of town, on the left. The grey one, with the red curtains"

Jump around for the Yeti Angel...Woot woot...

So last night ended off on a much better note. My teacher friend called from my RCMP officer, friend's house and they invited me over for homemade Apple Crisp, Party Mix and a movie. I walked over (took me all of a minute as I can see his house from mine) and was greeted by the biggest, goofiest, loveliest Black Lab ever, who was wagging his tail so hard that had he not had legs, he'd be slithering like a snake on the floor. After such a shitty night/day of freezing my buns off, I needed a little puppy love which I promptly got after sitting down on the couch, Jack (the lab) plopped right down between me and my teacher friend, kicked us each into the corner and proceeded to snore/drool on my lap for the rest of the night. At least I got his head... snicker.... After watching the Usual Suspects, the RCMP officer cracked open the Party Mix and much to the dismay of the teacher, fed all the pretzels to the dog. He then polished off most of the bag, ate more Apple Crisp and then started moaning about eating to much. There is something mildly funnier about a police officer moaning and rubbing his belly in front of our now second straight episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter than just a regular dude. Then he said maybe he should start wearing armbands like Dog to "make his guns look buff" and I had to contain a snort. After all, they just met me... I should try to at least convince that I'm a little bit normal. Had the morning off work which was nice, but went into work at noon, just in time for all the school kids to be on lunch and coming in for their daily menu of 3 cans of pop and 5 bags of chips. They still aren't quite used to me yet and come and stand around me in little clusters staring up at me like I'm some sort of Yeti Angel, (ie the looks on their sweet little sugar-coated faces is a mixture of awe, adoration and "what the hell is this freaky lookin' thing????) and then just as fast as they came up, they get bored and trot away. So, humming away for the rest of the afternoon until I tried to tackle moving some shelves... fortunately the store was closed because the tackling became more of a battle. After 15 minutes of wrestling with the stupid thing and yelling at the "STUPIDF*&*INGPIECEOFS#*"M$%/$%F"/*&*I'LLSHOWYOUWHO'SBOSSFREAKIN...and so on, and so forth, the nice, shy little 17 year old stock boy comes around the corner looking terrified and whispers in his lilting Inuktitut accented English "You need some help, Allison?".... Oops... forgot he was there... He now is looking at me like he thinks I was raised by pirates. My manager comes back to lock up and takes me around to show me what needs to be locked up. He says he's going to get me own set of keys... Hey DUDE how 'bout getting me some SCREWS to put together my coffee tables which have been sitting in a pile on my living room floor for a WEEK!?" (inside voice... inside voice...) Came home (remembered to unplug the truck before driving away this time!!! One point for the Torontonian who's not in the habit of having to unplug my car!! Yippee!!) I think I have been spending to much time alone, because I was far to amused by the computer game I played simply because it was called "Polar Bowler" (liken it to the excitement Canadians feel when Canada is mentioned in an American TV show or movie "DUUUUDE... They just mentioned CANADA, EH?".... I'm in NUNAVUT so I'm going to play a game with POLAR BEARS!!!). The game involves you having to send, via a big sling-shot, a sunglass and Hawaiian shirt-wearing polar bear (with an apparent itchy scalp because it kept inexplicably scratching it's head....) down an ice bowling alley in an inner-tube. And so it starts again tomorrow......

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now.....

First night in Nunavut with NO heat....

So my furnace had been have fits of noise that sounded somewhere between jingle bells and a panther in heat. After telling my manager, again, the local handyman came to fix it. Last night after an already crappy day I was unwinding with a What Not To Wear marathon on TV when all of a sudden there is a HUGE bang and a different screech, the sound of a belt snapping and flapping around and then, best of all, a shower of sparks that would rival any Canada Day or Fourth of July fireworks display inside the wall that I can see through the vent. Of course, then the panic sets in: Hop off the couch, run in a circle... ohmygodohmygodohmygod....run to the bathroom and grab the fire extinguisher (because the bathroom of course is the logical place to keep the fire extinguisher) read the instructions, throw the contents of my purse all over the floor looking for my keys because the furnace is in a little room only accessible from outside, WHERETHEF*#KAREMYFREAKINKEYS??? oh yeah, my coat pocket, go into the furnace room, flick on what appears to be a light switch, and hear another huge bang... WAAAAHHH WHY DID I MOVE TO NUNAVUT??? run back into the house, turn off the thermostat, sit in front of the vent for 10 minutes making sure the house isn't about to burn down....wonder if I should call one of my only 2 friends here yet, but it's 11h30 and, it's still 72F in here (we're in freakin' CANADA, why is my thermostat in Farenheit??) so I decide to rough it out for the night. On go the toasty warm long johns, marino sweater and vest (thanks Mum!), my Team Canada Olympic curling sweater (getting a lot of use of this baby!!) 2 pairs of socks and my pajama pants. In case the furnace decides to spontaneously combust I think it's prudent to sleep on the couch with the fire extinguisher within arms reach. Fall asleep with the TV on only to wake up to Tony Little screaming about how I can DOOOO IT with his crazy resistance band contraption to get in the best shape of my life. GO TO HELL TONY I'M TRYING TO SLEEP IT'S 4A.M.!!!! It's now 59F in here... look that up on my computer, turns out that's 15C. Feels a hell of a lot colder than that. I made it through the night, and realize the only 2 phone numbers I do have are the teacher's and the RCMP officer's. I tried knocking on my next door neighbour's door, who is the grocery manager at the store and there is no answer. So I walk over the RCMP detachment and no one is there and I'm not sure which of the 2 houses is my friend's. So I walk home and call him and he's really nice about it and says I'm welcome to camp out at his house for the day if I get cold and even sleep over (in the spare room, don't worry) if the furnace doesn't get fixed today. Call my manager and he doesn't seem overly concerned and calls me a few minutes later to tell me the dude is going to come over after church.... Church... Oh he better be prayin' alright. It's 52F in here now. That's 10C. I wish I had those mitt/glove things.... (mloves? glitts?) Freakin' cold in here...Last night I spoke with a good friend who was out a bar and I asked him to have his next drink for me and to REALLY enjoy it.... Well, I really hope he did, because man, I could really use a stiff drink right about now.

Ok, so someone really does hate me already...

I had to work till 9pm tonight and that was fine, until we went outside and written in the snow on the company truck that I was driving was "F**K YOU ALA"... on both sides. I was so upset about it that like a complete idiot I forgot to unplug the truck and drove home with the entire extension cord trailing behind me. Duh.... but seriously....Fortunately the store manager closed with me as well, but if they think that I am ever going to close up by myself and leave alone, they can kiss my Canada Goose parka-clad butt all the way back to Toronto. Where they have these little vehicles called TAXIS to take you home at night. So here's to a wonderful Saturday night... :-(

The closest thing to booze I can get up here is Jack Daniels Barbecue Sauce......

Everything I always wanted to know and more about.......

So, I just about put my back out trying to reach what I thought was a phone book on top of my kitchen cabinets and no, it was not the phone book, but instead was "The Gun Digest Book of: FIREARMS ASSEMBLY/DISASSEMBLY Part IV: Centerfire Rifles Revised Edition". Should have known a town of less than 800 people wouldn't have the Yellowpages......

Yes, that is a snowbank (snow bulldozed off the road in front of my house). Yes, that is a house behind it. And yes, those are kids playing on it.

Think I FINALLY figured out the visitor counter thingamajiggy

Freakin' flag counter ....grumble..... trying to figure out this whole new fangled internet bloggy type thing.... how the hell should I know how to use it? I live in NUNAVUT!! We rip meat off the bone with our TEETH up here, not play on computer... gosh darnit.

Pretty song....

It's only been a week and already half of the highschool kids hate me...

Today I turned down 4 kids in a row who couldn't show me ID to buy cigarettes.... 1)Me: "Can I see your ID?" Kid: "Don't have any, but I'm 18" Me: "You need to be 19 to buy cigarettes" Kid "But I'm EIGHTEEN" Me: "Yooou.... Neeeeeed.... Toooooo.... Beeeeeee.... Niiiiiiiineteeeeeeen" 2)Me: "Can I see your ID" Kid: "Left it at home and I came here to buy smokes" Me: "I am not selling you cigarettes without ID" Kid: "But the other cashiers sell them to me" Me: "I'm not a cashier, I'm the manager and I'm not selling them to you" Kid goes to complain to my manager. Leaves in a huff.... snicker.... 3)Kids comes in. Me: "Can I see your ID?" Kid 1: "I don't got no ID" Me: "Then I can't sell you cigarettes" Kid 1 turns to Kid 2 "Dude, can you buy my smokes?" Me: "well, then I need to see YOUR ID too." Kid 2 "I don't got no ID either and I'm 21" Me: "I need to see ID before I can sell you cigarettes" Kid 2: "I don't got none, but you can call the police officers and have them look up my criminal record to tell you how old I am" For the love of Baby Jesus.....

Things I learned yesterday

1) If someone comes and up and starts yelling "MEDIUM" of "LARGE" at you, they are NOT commenting on how big they think those jeans make your butt look, but rather, they are telling you they which pack of cigarettes they want. 2) Big splashes of blood on the floor, is NOT a reason to call the RCMP to report an injured person, it's just the guy who recently "harvested" a caribou has come in for some smokes and apparently still carrying the knife.

This is what's in my backyard!!!!

5 days down....

So, I've been in Coral Harbour for 5 days now and it's been fun, sad, weird, surprisingly not as cold as I would have thought and frustrating. Day 1 I arrived, get picked up at the airport (my grade 6 portable was bigger) and dropped off at the store. The president of the company was there as I'm all disheveled, in my ridiculous powder blue and fluffy astronaut city boots and exhausted from having been up since 4 a.m. As 6 of us pile in to a pick-up truck to take him and the other dudes from the company to the airport, I'm squeezed in the front seat in the middle with my knees up to my chin totally self-conscious that my huge parka is making my butt too wide to fit comfortably between two 40+ men I've known for oh, 5 minutes. After we get back to the store, they give me swipe card with the bar code on it and tell me to swipe myself in. I ask if it matters what side to swipe and the manager says "no" so I swipe, only to have him look at me like I'm from Mars/or a very slow 5 year old child because I've swiped the card horizontally and the barcode appears on the short end of the card, therefore I've only swiped half of it. Duh.... dude, I'm jetlagged from WINNIPEG. I go home giggling after a fisherman comes in and asks if I'm the manager's daughter, turns out he's only 10 years older than me... Quit smokin' and wear your sunscreen kids!! And there are dead flies all over my floor. And apparently the floor had already been swept. I'm warned not to put to much on the coffee table as one of the legs is broken off. My shower is clogged. The water pump rattles and bangs every fifteen seconds. I fall on my butt in a snowbank because there is no real path from the open space that serves as a road/front lawn/parking lot. I had Friday off, so I got to unpack, however the drawers in my dresser are broken so right now my socks and underwear are in the drawers below my TV. My shower is still clogged. More dead flies under the sinks in the kitchen and bathroom. 5 garbage bags later I'm coming to realize that my standards of cleanliness are a lot different from those who "cleaned" my apartment prior to my arrival. Saturday I get a ride to work with my next door neighbour/colleague and meet a few more of the staff who are staring at me like I have 3 eyeballs. After a little while though, people start warming up, and as customers come into the store, everyone asks me what my name is and where I'm from. As soon as I say Toronto, they start teasing me about being a Leafs fan. Big news comes in that someone "caught" a polar bear. My manager offers to drive me home from work on his Ski-Doo, which was terrifying while I was trying to simultaneously a)not fall off the back or sides, b) hold onto my groceries and c) keep my hood from blowing backwards because going that fast, in the dark, in Nunavut, I thought my eyeballs were going to freeze out of my head and my face was going to fall off. Feeling wobbly being on solid ground I fall on my butt in a snowbank again. Shower is still clogged even though the local handyman spent 45 minutes at my place fixing it and the waterpump is still rattling and banging. Just so you know, I've been bathing in my kitchen sink. But, after investigating some wires, I plug in my TV and have free cable!! Yippee!!! Sunday, I'm off again and stay in my PJs all day. Watch the Gold Medal Hockey game and realize only after the 1st period that I've been jumping up and pumping my fist in the air, alone, doing robot victory dances in my leopard-print pajama pants and Canadian Curling sweater with my curtains open. Monday. Fall on my butt in the SAME friggin' snowbank. Apparently the person who "caught" the polar bear is my next door neighbour because now there is a 10 foot bearskin hanging on some logs in their back yard. First official duty as Supervisor of General Merchandise: blow up 75 balls for a spring display. Douglas the handyman fixes my shower for real this time AND shovels my steps. Got home at 7 p.m. after starting work at 8. Legs hurt, eyes ache, I want a beer and the only thing I can get on TV is Ellen because I only get the BC channels which are 3 hours behind my time zone. Oh my god. And it hasn't even been a week yet.