procrastination is a bitch

I started a post today but gave up to instead, bake chocolate chip banana muffins. Yummy. Here's a little song to keep you all amused. The line of running to the window and looking up to the sky and asking who ever is up there, please don't let me die, resonated yesterday in the storm with 100km/h winds and the blizzard that we worked through yesterday. I woke up at 4 a.m. and sat on my couch, looking out to the whiteness and wondered what I was doing here. In the morning I waited to see if my next door neighbour started the truck to go to work and he did, and we made it, but barely. While we were driving through the houses, it was not so bad, but coming up over the hill, we looked down and saw nothing but white. The Ford F150 we were in was shaking like a Smartcar being passed by a transport truck on the 401 and we had to get out of the truck to find the road again, which we were off by a few metres. We were probably 20 feet from the store before we could see it. All day we were there and out of the window, where we can usually see for miles, was nothing but white. We had no water because the pipes were frozen and as well, the water trucks weren't out. One of the cashiers came in crying because she got disoriented and almost got lost. And yet, the local people were out in droves, buying laptops, cigarettes, spring jackets and best of all, 2 packets of powdered gravy. That's it. Gravy. 100km winds and the guy comes in for gravy. When we left, it was still light out, so we could see a bit, and drove one of the kids home and managed to find our way home through the snow by using the light posts along the side of a different road as markers to make sure we were going the right way. We were about 20 feet from our house when we got stuck in a snowbank so high that I couldn't open my door and had to get out of the driver's side. My steps had basically disappeared and were more like a snow ramp up to my door. I stayed home today. All day. Even though it was a nice day. So, I guess I did just write a post.

The Day of Children from Hell

So I've been quiet for a couple of days because I've been in a crap mood, missing St. Patrick's Day (my favourite holiday) and things were looking up a bit up until this morning. Last night I was working at night with two of the stock boys and they were cracking me up all night. It all started as one of the boys hid outside of the office while the other one was in there and jumped out at him and the one scared, screamed like a little school girl. Not acting very managerially, I laughed. Loudly. So I think out of revenge, he was bound and determined to scare me and spent most of the night hiding around corners, stealthily following me and doing his best dolphin impersonation...(?) Anyway, so I was putting on my tough "I'm from Toronto, you can't scare me attitude" and finally at about 8h30, he finally jumped out from an aisle and yelled "BOOOOO" and I jumped a mile in the air and chased him down the aisle with a broom. Again, maybe not so professional.... But damn funny. So today, I am minding my own business, when POW!!! Someone punched me in the arm! I look over and it's a little girl, maybe about 3, with a mouthful of silver teeth, grinning at me with her dukes up, ready to hit me again! Couldn't obviously do anything back but say through a gritted smile that wasn't very nice and she shouldn't hit people. She laughed at me and threw her boot at me. Jeez..... Next up, kid loses his mitt. Ok, not having mitts in Nunavut is kind of a big deal. But... not quite such a big deal as to lay on the floor, howling for 15 minutes. The his grandfather came to pick him up and he was like a ragdoll and the grandfather started dragging him by his hood down the aisle, still howling. And then had to drag him out of the store, still howling. Finally they left and it was quiet. Until some sweet little girls ran up to me. "Hi! I'm 5, how old are you?" one asked. Feeling slightly jocular, I replied "I'm old... I'm THIRTY THREEEEE" and then ladies and gentlemen, came a response that made me want to lay down in the middle of the floor and howl....." WOOOOOWWWW" she replied. "You're almost as old as my GRANDMA" ....

It's like Christmas! Only it's March, and this is already my stuff.

So, I got some boxes from my mum today. I wonder if I should tell her that at the Post Office, they have this new-fangled contraption called a "Postage Meter" that will weigh your parcels and print out a label with the right amount of postage. I sure hope these were the peel-and-stick stamps or that she got her dog to lick all these.....and yes, those are my feet to demonstrate the size of the boxes.

Driver's License

So I was called back to the Hamlet office because the Government of Nunavut Ministry of Transportation rejected my Driver's License photo because part of my face was covered.... But this is how everybody looks 10 months out of the year......

Makin' friends....

So the cashiers have a new game.... "Hey Allison, you dropped something" and crack up because I fall for it everytime....

Five things I love about Nunavut, in no particular order

1) The fact that there is only prefix for phone numbers in this town, so when someone asks for your number, saying only the last 4 numbers is sufficient, much like how you would give out your work extension. ie. "Hey Allison, what's your phone number?" "it's 8451" and they know what you're talking about. 2) There is only one radio station here. And you can hear the phone ringing while the DJ is talking. And then you hear dead air as he goes to answer it. 3) Also to do with the radio station. The DJ will stop a song in the middle of it, and announce for someone to call their mother and then resume the song. 4) Seeing entire families piled on one Ski -Doo zipping around town like it is a mini-van. 5) Because there are no street names here and no one has an actual address, when they invite you over, they describe their house "So come by and visit any time, Allison, we are the 5 house from the top right edge of town, on the left. The grey one, with the red curtains"

Jump around for the Yeti Angel...Woot woot...

So last night ended off on a much better note. My teacher friend called from my RCMP officer, friend's house and they invited me over for homemade Apple Crisp, Party Mix and a movie. I walked over (took me all of a minute as I can see his house from mine) and was greeted by the biggest, goofiest, loveliest Black Lab ever, who was wagging his tail so hard that had he not had legs, he'd be slithering like a snake on the floor. After such a shitty night/day of freezing my buns off, I needed a little puppy love which I promptly got after sitting down on the couch, Jack (the lab) plopped right down between me and my teacher friend, kicked us each into the corner and proceeded to snore/drool on my lap for the rest of the night. At least I got his head... snicker.... After watching the Usual Suspects, the RCMP officer cracked open the Party Mix and much to the dismay of the teacher, fed all the pretzels to the dog. He then polished off most of the bag, ate more Apple Crisp and then started moaning about eating to much. There is something mildly funnier about a police officer moaning and rubbing his belly in front of our now second straight episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter than just a regular dude. Then he said maybe he should start wearing armbands like Dog to "make his guns look buff" and I had to contain a snort. After all, they just met me... I should try to at least convince that I'm a little bit normal. Had the morning off work which was nice, but went into work at noon, just in time for all the school kids to be on lunch and coming in for their daily menu of 3 cans of pop and 5 bags of chips. They still aren't quite used to me yet and come and stand around me in little clusters staring up at me like I'm some sort of Yeti Angel, (ie the looks on their sweet little sugar-coated faces is a mixture of awe, adoration and "what the hell is this freaky lookin' thing????) and then just as fast as they came up, they get bored and trot away. So, humming away for the rest of the afternoon until I tried to tackle moving some shelves... fortunately the store was closed because the tackling became more of a battle. After 15 minutes of wrestling with the stupid thing and yelling at the "STUPIDF*&*INGPIECEOFS#*"M$%/$%F"/*&*I'LLSHOWYOUWHO'SBOSSFREAKIN...and so on, and so forth, the nice, shy little 17 year old stock boy comes around the corner looking terrified and whispers in his lilting Inuktitut accented English "You need some help, Allison?".... Oops... forgot he was there... He now is looking at me like he thinks I was raised by pirates. My manager comes back to lock up and takes me around to show me what needs to be locked up. He says he's going to get me own set of keys... Hey DUDE how 'bout getting me some SCREWS to put together my coffee tables which have been sitting in a pile on my living room floor for a WEEK!?" (inside voice... inside voice...) Came home (remembered to unplug the truck before driving away this time!!! One point for the Torontonian who's not in the habit of having to unplug my car!! Yippee!!) I think I have been spending to much time alone, because I was far to amused by the computer game I played simply because it was called "Polar Bowler" (liken it to the excitement Canadians feel when Canada is mentioned in an American TV show or movie "DUUUUDE... They just mentioned CANADA, EH?".... I'm in NUNAVUT so I'm going to play a game with POLAR BEARS!!!). The game involves you having to send, via a big sling-shot, a sunglass and Hawaiian shirt-wearing polar bear (with an apparent itchy scalp because it kept inexplicably scratching it's head....) down an ice bowling alley in an inner-tube. And so it starts again tomorrow......

This is exactly how I'm feeling right now.....

First night in Nunavut with NO heat....

So my furnace had been have fits of noise that sounded somewhere between jingle bells and a panther in heat. After telling my manager, again, the local handyman came to fix it. Last night after an already crappy day I was unwinding with a What Not To Wear marathon on TV when all of a sudden there is a HUGE bang and a different screech, the sound of a belt snapping and flapping around and then, best of all, a shower of sparks that would rival any Canada Day or Fourth of July fireworks display inside the wall that I can see through the vent. Of course, then the panic sets in: Hop off the couch, run in a circle... ohmygodohmygodohmygod....run to the bathroom and grab the fire extinguisher (because the bathroom of course is the logical place to keep the fire extinguisher) read the instructions, throw the contents of my purse all over the floor looking for my keys because the furnace is in a little room only accessible from outside, WHERETHEF*#KAREMYFREAKINKEYS??? oh yeah, my coat pocket, go into the furnace room, flick on what appears to be a light switch, and hear another huge bang... WAAAAHHH WHY DID I MOVE TO NUNAVUT??? run back into the house, turn off the thermostat, sit in front of the vent for 10 minutes making sure the house isn't about to burn down....wonder if I should call one of my only 2 friends here yet, but it's 11h30 and, it's still 72F in here (we're in freakin' CANADA, why is my thermostat in Farenheit??) so I decide to rough it out for the night. On go the toasty warm long johns, marino sweater and vest (thanks Mum!), my Team Canada Olympic curling sweater (getting a lot of use of this baby!!) 2 pairs of socks and my pajama pants. In case the furnace decides to spontaneously combust I think it's prudent to sleep on the couch with the fire extinguisher within arms reach. Fall asleep with the TV on only to wake up to Tony Little screaming about how I can DOOOO IT with his crazy resistance band contraption to get in the best shape of my life. GO TO HELL TONY I'M TRYING TO SLEEP IT'S 4A.M.!!!! It's now 59F in here... look that up on my computer, turns out that's 15C. Feels a hell of a lot colder than that. I made it through the night, and realize the only 2 phone numbers I do have are the teacher's and the RCMP officer's. I tried knocking on my next door neighbour's door, who is the grocery manager at the store and there is no answer. So I walk over the RCMP detachment and no one is there and I'm not sure which of the 2 houses is my friend's. So I walk home and call him and he's really nice about it and says I'm welcome to camp out at his house for the day if I get cold and even sleep over (in the spare room, don't worry) if the furnace doesn't get fixed today. Call my manager and he doesn't seem overly concerned and calls me a few minutes later to tell me the dude is going to come over after church.... Church... Oh he better be prayin' alright. It's 52F in here now. That's 10C. I wish I had those mitt/glove things.... (mloves? glitts?) Freakin' cold in here...Last night I spoke with a good friend who was out a bar and I asked him to have his next drink for me and to REALLY enjoy it.... Well, I really hope he did, because man, I could really use a stiff drink right about now.

Ok, so someone really does hate me already...

I had to work till 9pm tonight and that was fine, until we went outside and written in the snow on the company truck that I was driving was "F**K YOU ALA"... on both sides. I was so upset about it that like a complete idiot I forgot to unplug the truck and drove home with the entire extension cord trailing behind me. Duh.... but seriously....Fortunately the store manager closed with me as well, but if they think that I am ever going to close up by myself and leave alone, they can kiss my Canada Goose parka-clad butt all the way back to Toronto. Where they have these little vehicles called TAXIS to take you home at night. So here's to a wonderful Saturday night... :-(