Box Cutters, Box Springs and Belligerent Pomeranians

So yesterday started off as any other day at work, everyone showed up and things were going fine. I was in the back and heard a yell, an "oh shit" and a thud... Yikes. I go out to see our prankster stockboy hurrying into the staff room with his hands together. He'd been at work all of 15 minutes. I called out to him to ask what had happened and he said he cut himself. Duh... on me. Anyway, in the staff room he's got blood down to his elbow and is running the water over a massive cut that almost cut his whole finger tip including the nail in half. Ouch. After of about 10 minutes of pressure, water and me trying not to pass out every time I asked to see it we concluded it might be a good idea to take a run up to the health centre to get him stitched up. So at the health centre, the nurse on-call deemed that as it was a clean cut from a box cutter it didn't need a stitch. She asked me if I wanted to come in and sit with him, and I guess I must have turned a little green and said "No" a little to emphatically, so she took him in alone and glued him back together and put on the biggest most ridiculous looking bandage ever. He came out with about 4 feet of gauze wound around his finger, wrist and hand and we both tried not to laugh as she is telling me how he should be taking care of it, as if I were his mother. We get in the truck and he puts his hand out and without cracking a smile says "I think she overdid it a bit". So back at work, I go and report back to the grocery manager that he's back in one piece and got a huge bandage. So he pages him up to the office and when he came up, the grocery manager asks him to give him the box cutter he was using and to use "this" instead. "This" was a plastic knife from a takeaway cutlery pack. Hilarious. So a little while later this same kid and I had to deliver a box spring. Of course, given that this guy is 16, he'd already taken off most of the bandage and was poking it and got it bleeding again. So we drive to the house to make the delivery and he won't get out of the truck. He says "i hope that dog doesn't bite..."... I see no dog, so I ask him which one. He points to a tiny, fluffy pomeranian and says "that one". Me: "YOU are afraid of THAT????" and collapse against the steering wheel laughing. Him: "It's MEAN". Me: "That thing is half the size of my brother's CAT". He gets out and literally edges along the side of the truck. I hear this menacing little growl and the little fluffy sorry example of a dog is quivering in fury. He starts creeping towards the house and the dog just went beserk, snapping, barking and jumping. Speaking of jumping, I have never seen anyone in my life jump as high and as fast as this kid who spun around and ran so fast he ran straight into the truck and nearly jumped over the side and into the bed. I believe it took me about 2 1/2 minutes to stop laughing, only to look up and see the homeowner laughing his head off as well. The poor stock boy is still cowering (but laughing) against the side of the truck. The home owner yells something to the dog and it managed to let us up to the house and up the stairs to the door to deliver the box spring. We come out and the dog is again growling and shaking with wrath. So, just as I was about to push the stock boy down the stairs ahead of me, I turn around to see him leaping over the railing and jumping 7 feet to the ground. I yelled at him for leaving me up there with the dog at the bottom, and I crept down half the stairs when the dog started spitting and snarling at me. The stock boy starts laughing, the dog forgets me and goes after him again. I ran down the stairs and the stock boy is on the far side of the truck, laughing and refusing to get in the passenger side. He gets in the driver's side, climbs across the seat and I get in and it's another full 3 minutes before I could drive because we were laughing so hard. For the rest of the day, every time I saw him, I laughed. And will probably do so tomorrow.

Ding Dong, the boss is on vacation!!!!

So, the big boss is on vacation and that has put the rest of us in vacation mode... work is so much more relaxed, the staff is happier and up to some hilarious pranks and antics. Yesterday, I was out in the warehouse and saw one of the cashiers about 12 feet above ground digging through a high shelf looking for coffee cup lids, while the quiet, shy stockboy was working away down below. The other manager came in and asked her what she was doing and when she said getting lids, he just looked at her and asked why she climbed up there because there were some on the bottom shelf that didn't require getting up on a ladder... From behind, we hear a little giggle.... We all turned and looked at our little guy, who was shaking with laughter under his shaggy mop of hair. I asked him if he'd sent her up there on purpose and he could barely answer he was laughing so hard. And oh, the profanities and curses started as me and the other manager nearly collapsed with laughing... The cashier, screeching the whole way down from the ladder, finally got down, and away they went. This particular guy is very laid back and never in a rush, and I have never seen him move so fast. She chased him around the store about 3 times, then back into the warehouse where she grabbed a broom and started swinging. She chased him all the way to the back, where, like some kind of monkey he managed to swing himself up onto a shelf about 8 feet off the ground where we have all the mattresses and was hiding behind the mattresses, laughing, as the cashier tried vainly to stab him with the broom, still yelling various profanities and insulting names at him. Attempting to assert my managerial position, I told her that while I could appreciate her frustration of having had to climb a ladder, killing our stock boy with a broom was not a valid excuse for closing up the convenience store and that she needed to return to work. I somehow managed to say this without letting out a snort. She huffed off, the stockboy got down and everything went back to normal. For 5 minutes. The other manager and I were walking through the warehouse and the cashier was filling a bucket of water with the hose to mop the floor. We giggled. She swung the hose. I got soaked. He laughed. She swung it again. We ran. The stockboy laughed and we blamed him for starting it. I went to the convenience store where she was mopping the floor. In perhaps not my most professional or mature moment, I moonwalked across the wet floor in my dirty boots. She hit me in the ass with the wet mop. I went out and yelled at the stockboy. He laughed at me because he, like everyone else, knows better than to take me seriously. Oh, how fun it is at the store right now.

Once upon a time, when I was living in Toronto, I was tired, cranky and stressed out and late coming home from work. It was cold, raining and miserable and I just wanted to get something to eat. I started to walk to the grocery store when I saw a little old lady struggling with a box of groceries and a heavy bag. Having a giant umbrella, I went over and asked her if she needed help and ended up managing to carry all of her things for her while still keeping the umbrella over her while I got soaked. When I got her home, she took my hands and thanked me in a thick Eastern European accent and said "When you need one the most, God always sends you an Angel. " I went home, my crappy day and shitty mood totally forgotten. Without going into the details of why I needed an angel today, I was sent two. (who got some giggles playing dress-up with my sunglasses)

Oh the conversations that I have with people....

Actual conversation I had today... Me: "good morning", Customer: "I need to return these bullets" Me: "Ok, no problem" Customer: "Ya, my brother sold his shot gun for drugs and I am mad. The drugs will run out but the gun won't and so now I'm mad at my brother. It's not fair". Me: "Wow... uh... hmmm, that's um, to, uh bad?"

Hikes and loaves

Long weekend. Of course for the only supremely nice day of this weekend, I was at work, but that didn't stop me from going out for 2 great walks yesterday. In the morning, I had coffee with my friend and we went for a walk around town and had fun taking some pictures and then, in the afternoon she and I and some friends went out to the (still frozen)Kirchoffer Falls. The falls look to be very impressive. Seeing as yesterday was a pretty grey, dreary day, it wasn't the best, but we sure had fun. There were 5 of us plus one dog and we drove out together. As you're approaching the falls, you get to go over the longest bridge in Nunavut. There's even a plaque. The bridge is about the same length as my house. Ok, maybe a LITTLE bit longer. We had a great hike along the east side of the falls and it was my first real excursion out of town. The walk lasted about an hour and on the way back, one of the girls was lagging a bit and the rest of us were all walking ahead together. So, one of the guys had a hilarious idea... he'd look back, count to three, all four of us would then look back and start running. Awesome. To bad it didn't work. She didn't fall for it for a second. But, we did see some polar bear tracks in the snow. After a hard week, it was really nice to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. Something I didn't get today. The wind had really picked up today and brought with it some crazy behavior. I happened to look out my window this afternoon only to see a fairly active arrest going on in front of my house. A few minutes later I received a phone call warning me not to open my door if anyone knocked as one of the local carvers was out and about in a state of anger and yelling threats at a girl and throwing rocks at her near the Co-op store. So I stayed in and baked baguettes.

May, 21st, 2010, 1h30 a.m.

It doesn't get dark anymore

May 19th, 2010 10h25 p.m.

a sad day

Last night my grandmother passed away. If you read my letter to her from a few weeks ago, you probably guessed that she was very ill. She had a very aggressive case of melanoma which became crippling in the last few weeks. Being up here alone, makes this hard, but I am thankful for the family that I have who have called and the friends here and at home who I know I can count on for support. Love you all from the bottom of my heart.

Kind of my theme song at the moment....

17 Hours of Daylight and counting

So we are up to over 17 hours of daylight now and during the rest of the time, it's not totally pitch black, more of a deep Cerulean Blue if you will. I went for a walk last night and it was after 9h00 and was out for an hour. When I left I could have gotten away with wearing sunglasses and by the time I got home the sky was streaked with different colours like the tie-dye I used to wear in my hippie highschool days. Getting out for walks at night has been something I've been trying to do all week. It's been amazing. On Tuesday, it resulted in playing soccer with about 15 kids for an hour and a half. In my rubber boots, on gravel. And it was -13C. I had a blast. Until one of them, who was about 12, asked how old I am and when I said 33, her eyes bugged out of her head and she said "WOOOOOOOWWWWW You're older than my MOM!!!!".....Buuuhhhhh Looking North West at about 9h30 Looking North West at about 9h45 Looking South East at about 10h05 Random Caribou hoof in the street

Huh....so much for my Friday night plans...

So obviously, I have angered the God of Coffee Tables. I opened the packet containing the hardware for my tables, and there is all the screw and washers, and no freakin' Allan Key. Seriously?!?!

FINALLY!!

The hardware for my coffee tables arrived today!!! So, looking forward to a rockin' Friday night tomorrow putting them together...

So today was Friday, a beautiful day, sunny, everyone was in good moods and laughing and talking and having fun. A little kid that I don't even know comes flying up to me in the store and wraps his little arms around my hips in a big bear hug. I was all "oooohh EVER CUTE, are you giving me a hug?" and bent down to give him a hug back. He throws his head back to give me a huge gappy smile and I'm staring down to two of the grossest, greenest, crustiest nostrils I have ever seen. I went and found the hand sanitizer....

I wish we sold treadmills...

Hmmm... listening to my I-pod at work tonight after hours. Forgot as I was doing my best OK Go video dance that we have security cameras......

Murphy is a sonofabitch

It's amazing what you learn about yourself and what to adapt to when taken out of your comfort zone. Only slightly more than 2 months ago, I was living in downtown Toronto in a big 2 bedroom apartment and I would get annoyed if I so much ran out of hot water from using to much. Or would get annoyed if my roommate cranked up the heat. And now, since moving up here, I've gone 2 nights without heat at all, have only just had my first shower where the water wasn't up to my ankles because the pipes are frozen and don't drain and have just spend the last 24 hours with essentially no water, and in all honesty, it really hasn't bothered me a bit. (There's where Murphy comes in...) Now, fortunately, I have a good friend up here who let me bathe at her house last night so in all aspects of personal hygiene, things were just peachy today. But basically, here in Coral Harbour, we have no "running water" from one particular source.Every day, a water truck makes the rounds and delivers water to a tank outside the house and that's what everyone in town depends on for their showers, kitchen faucets, toilets etc. So, on Friday, I guess the water guy forgot my house and therefore, when I came home for dinner on Saturday, I was a bit surprised to find that I had a little trickle and then nothing. No big deal, called the Hamlet and asked for them to send someone and I assumed they did. When I got home at around 10 that night, still nothing. What's "bollocks" in Inuktitut?! So fortunately I had a bit left over in my Brita, brushed my teeth and went to bed. The next day I went to hang out with some of the teachers and learned how to make mitts. I had an awesome time; these ladies are hilarious and fun and I had a fantastic afternoon. Walking home, I saw fresh tire tracks up to my house and thought "hoorah! Water!!".... no such luck. Apparently if you run out of water your pump has to be "primed", like I'm supposed to know how to do that?!? Yay for my wicked friend who let me come over and hang out and have a shower at her house. It's now 4h00 on Monday, and the guy who fixed my shower just showed up and got it working. And am I bothered? No. Am I stressed out? No. Am I loving Nunavut more and more each day because I feel more relaxed, less stressed, and enjoying the natural beauty up here? YES. For the first couple of weeks that I was here, people would ask me how I liked it, and I would tell them it was nice and I liked it because I had to try and convince myself. Now I'm saying it with a full heart, with happiness and gratitude that so far most people have accepted me as part of their community, welcomed me as their friend and invited me into their lives. Even if they like to scare me. Or laugh as I almost wipe out on my butt on the wet floor in front of the post office. Har.

Hi Grandma,

So for those of you who don't know, I come from a good sized family on my dad's side. My dad is the third of youngest of four and between these 4 siblings there are 9 kids and now,7 spouses/significant others and 6 children with a 7th on the way (my nephew!!!). I am very lucky in to have a family like mine and love each and every member to pieces. Therefore, I am very fortunate to be get emailed updates and phone calls from people in my family to let me know what's going on down home. At the top of our little family tree, is my Grandma, Ann Vardy. She's now 91 and living in Peterborough, ON close to my dad's younger brother and his wife. My aunt emailed me to tell me that she reads this blog to my grandma and that it makes her laugh, which makes me happy because over the years, I haven't spent as much time with her as I should have or wanted to. The problem with life, getting older, getting responsibilities is that you lose sight sometimes, of what is really important, like spending time with people who are special to you. So, Grandma, even though I'm not here to tell you this in person, here's what I should have said to you a long time ago: I think that everyone in the family will agree that you're our trail blazer. Being in WWII, and then emigrating to Newfoundland from Scotland and then back to England and raising 4 rowdy kids in the country couldn't have been easy. Then in 1967, moving back to Ontario was another brave decision. I remember as a kid always getting excited to go visit you in Guelph to play with the other cousins in the spooky attic or, in the summertime, out in the garden. I don't remember a lot of the Guelph days, but bits and pieces stick out, and even the moments I don't remember (like pulling the phone down on my head when I was a baby) made me and all your grandkids who they are today. Maybe you never realized, and maybe neither did we, how much your traveling influenced all of us. I always was envious when you were off on a trip, walking the Great Wall of China, going to Italy, hiking in the Scottish Highlands. You'd always bring each of us back something, Celtic earrings made of Irish pewter, a hand tooled leather change purse, or my personal favourites, Penguin bars and Oor Wullie and The Broons comic books that Dad would read to me and Julian in a Scottish accent. Your sense of adventure touched all of your grandkids in that we are all avid travelers. Between the lot of us, we've each traveled beyond the borders of Canada and have been to such far away places as England, Italy, France, Germany, Qatar, South Korea, Cuba, Viet Nam and Thailand just to name a few places. I know on my part that my desire to travel and see the world stemmed from that envy I had of your trips, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Fond childhood memories including going to your apartment in Toronto for a swim and lamb roast dinner with mint sauce and playing after-dinner cards. When it comes to your grandkids, you've never stopped short of spoiling us with your handmade treats, whether it was your Shortbread, Coffee Kisses or Rumballs at Christmas or beautiful knitted sweaters or blankets for our birthdays. We are fortunate to have been given these gifts that were made with such care. As your great-grandchildren started to arrive, the beautiful baby blankets you've made will be treasured forever. You've also shown us how important it is to stay active and I know you probably could have run circles around me with all the line dancing, tai chi and walking you did, not to mention the dancing at all the weddings in the family that you've done!! So, even though I am far away, I'm with you and everyone in the family every day because of the love that we all share for each other and I am hoping that you will still enjoy my stories that I write and I hope that they make you laugh and smile and I hope you don't think this grand-daughter is too crazy! I won't be seeing you for a while but I think about you every day and hope that you are well. Remember that we all love you, Grandma, Mum, and G-G, World Traveler, Great Cook and Expert Knitter. Thank you for all that you've done for us, given us and taught us.

Top 5 Most Embarrassing Nunavut Moments of the Week... In no particular order:

1) Customer: "Are you always this quiet?" Me (trying to be witty): "Only when I have no one to talk to" *insert I-am-so-witty chuckle* Customer: *blank stare* "I meant the store." 2) Going on delivery with one of the stock boys. Get into the cab of the truck and attempt to drive away. Stock boy "Allison, don't you need to put the keys in the ignition?" 3) Another delivery. Store manager hands me the four legs to a couch we are going to deliver and tells me to be careful not to lose the washers at the top. Put them on the opened flap-thingy of the truck bed. Turn away to help stock boy. Close truck bed. With legs still on it. Dammit. 4) One of the cashiers ALWAYS scares me. She sneaks up behind me and yells "BOOOOOO" any chance she gets and then we laugh. So I snuck up behind here and yell "BOOOOOO" and she doesn't even flinch, just looks at me like I am so lame. And then laughs. So I turn to walk away after we giggle. She sneaks up and yells "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". I nearly hit the roof. 15 seconds after I turned my back on her. 5) Going to the dump with the stock boy. He's telling me about the land and then says, "hey you see the plane?" Me: "No, where?" Him: "There! Over there" Me: "WHERE?? I don' see it" Him: "WAAATCH OUT!!!!" Me: "WHAT THE |@"#$(?!?!" Slam on brakes even though there is nothing/no one for miles. Him: Collapses in giggles against the door.

What does a gal have to do to get a couple of screws around here??

Have I mentioned that I still don't have the hardware for my coffee tables yet and they are still stacked up in a pile on the floor?

Cool Kids and Ham

So I was never all the cool in highschool, what with the bad early 90s perm, big glasses, braces and sweaters my mother picked out. So, you know, I got over that, I went to University and got my groove on trying out different cool trends from the hippie-flower child to joining a Renaissance Anachronism club (yes, I was THAT awesome - sidenote: my boyfriend at the time was so inspired, he dropped out of Vet School to go work at Medieval Times for 10 years) until moving to Toronto and got a bit grounded, got some wicked friends and found my place in the world. Therefore, I sort of felt that I had become somewhat hip in my newly-found confidence as an independent, moderately financially secure early 30s woman with an admirable shoe collection and back-to-back jobs which some might consider relatively glamorous in the fashion industry. So it was with this attitude that I came up to Nunavut with my big sunglasses, new Canada Goose parka, my newly acquired stylish-yet-outdoorsy-and-I-can-handle-the Freakin'-cold wardrobe and the idea that I might be regarded as "that cool girl from Toronto". It took exactly 4 weeks for the cool kids up here to figure out that if you switch some of the letters in my name around to form the word "Assilon". Wonderful. At first, being the suave, confident adult that I am, I laughed it off and with a laisser-faire attitude that clearly stated "Chuh.... TEEN agers"... until 2 weeks later it really started to piss me off and I finally lost my cool and told them off, which to my frustration as I walked away, heard the telltale giggling of those girls who probably terrorize the kids in the cafeteria. Grrr... Fortunately, redemption. Not just one, but TWO of the staff told me the other day told me that they are so glad I moved here because I make work fun and that they really like me. And they don't call me Assilon. Hoorah!!! And anyway, I have other friends. More mature friends. So there. Losers. I mean, silly children with nothing to do but torment your manager who is just trying to be patient and kind and learn life up in the North. And tonight, as a thanks to the people who ARE nice to me, and have opened their doors I offered to bring food. A ham, in fact. Do I know how to bake a good ham? No, of course I don't, but that didn't stop me. I emailed my aunt who makes the best darn ham you've ever had. Good lord, maybe I should have done a practice ham. But at least I have back-up yams (god, if this gets out, I'll be Assilon the Ham/Yam girl) and chocolate cupcakes for the kiddies. Yes, I made Easter cupcakes for children. While listening to Country music. Can we say Identity Crisis? I don't like children. Or country music. At least I didn't until I moved here. Which just goes to show you, getting out of you comfort zone can be an amazing thing, and you can really learn a lot about yourself. Which, isn't that what life is supposed to be about it? Now hopefully, I will get something more indepth out of moving half way across the planet than just that I like country music and children, but even if I don't, well, that's ok by me. Because after all kids, every experience in life is a blink of an eye. Highschool tormenting felt like a life time and yet it was over before I knew it and suddenly I was 33 and being tormented again by highschool kids and not caring (much), and I was smiling at little runny-nosed children and listening to music that I have never listened to before and baking hams. All while there are 80km/h winds outside and my friends are all posting about patios and beautiful days on Facebook. And it doesn't bother me.